Weight

I've been trying to get back into shape again. At one point I weighed about 260 pounds, and I looked like an awful son of a bitch. These days I don't look much better, having gotten down to 210 at one point and a year of laziness later I'm up to 230. This is due in part to many factors, the most powerful of which is an obvious and disgusting addiction to food. To be honest none of this is a subject I like dwelling on, because I honestly feel like I'm trying, between biking to work and even lifting weights now. The real problem for me is that for someone who likes to micromanage every part of their life, maticulously organizing everything I own, there is just not enough consistant information on how to stay fit for me to properly plan some sort of healthy lifestyle for myself without excessive strain. I mean really, what the fuck am I supposed to do? The only valid advice I've been able to discover is - count calories. Well great. So what about strength training, or cardio, or what the fuck should I eat to feel full and should I just be eating salad everyday and how many fucking calories are in that salad I'm eating anyway. I mean, there's cheese and salami in the salad, is that cheating? Am I just eating more calories than I'd get out of a slice of pizza anyhow?

The world really needs a "What the fuck" button. That should be a website really, type in something, press "What the fuck?" and arrive at an answer that somebody somewhere researched and somebody elsewhere fact checked to make sure the first guy wasn't some corporate whore shilling his book or trying to save the dairy industry. My current plan is to eat fish and chicken breast exclusively, drink more water, do some bicep curls every three days and hope for the best. Maybe I'll get out to the gym more often, but it sure is getting fuck nuts cold for me to be riding my bike up there every day. Time Magazine had a recent article saying that exercise is useless, which is probably bullshit but who knows.

I have a date tonight with my BDSM girlfriend. We're going to watch The Iron Giant because she's never seen it, and then I'm hoping she ends up in my bedroom though I somehow doubt it. Last night I didn't get any writing done because I was too busy watching American Movie while photoshopping this really hot picture I found of this cute little white girl about to get gangraped by like six black guys. I changed her shirt color and made it so she's crying at the situation instead of grinning like she's high on something. I posted it to a forum for similar minded perverts and the only responses so far have been to let me know I'd uploaded it wrong and nobody could see the picture.

I just need a sliver of positive praise once in awhile. Whether it's because somebody reads my works or because they jerked off to my porno movie highlight mash-up reel, it's the high that keeps me going.